Saturday, November 27, 2010

Role Playing (Not in that way)

     Heynow! It's Friday night, and I'm at home doing nothing. Sometimes it's nice to do nothing. Currently listening to Abbey Road by the Beatles (My favorite album of ALL time) on vinyl. I got the green posters and I posted them up on the long bare wall on the right when you enter my apartment. No one has really seen it yet but I'm guessing someone will soon. I'm not really expecting anything but a visit would be nice. It's a 3 x 4 posters (or 84" x 88"), with about 6" left on the bottom of the wall. I haven't filmed anything yet. I haven't had any good ideas. What's some good ideas? Leave a comment if you have an idea. I have made a joke if someone says something like "Why do you have a green screen?" I'll reply "I do the local weather". I thought that was a funny smart joke. Maybe I'll do a bit that has a weatherman kinda thing. I have done some painting tonight. I have done one color (yellow) of the Iron Man painting. I'll probably do the other color (red) tomorrow. Maybe I'll start on the John Lennon one tomorrow too. I'm thinking that one and adding in green instead of white because green is John's favorite color. I thought that would be cool to do that. Black and Green color. I'm still not finished with the candle wax sculpture. I might be close to finishing it though.
     Thanksgiving day, I went to my parent house for Thanksgiving lunch at around 1PM. I got there at noon and my brother Casey was late so I talked to Mom and Dad for a while. Then we had lunch and ,of course, it was delicious. I got a lot of leftovers which is good because I haven't been grocery shopping and I don't have that much food in the fridge. I'll probably go shopping tomorrow too. Turkey, ham, sweet potato casserole, corn, rolls, gravy, fruit salad, broccoli casserole (not for me thanks), dressing, pecan pie, pumpkin role, and butterfinger cake. My mom fixes too much but in this case it's good for me.
     I've had song ideas floating in my head all day today. I've written some down and some are not returning to my mind. I wish I had a piano in here. The landlady, Ruthie, has a piano in the office. I haven't seen anyone play it or anything. One day, I'll ask her if I can play around with it and maybe write a song. Probably the next time I pay rent.'s 11:28PM but it feels like 1:28AM. The day light situation is quite weird, getting dark at 5:15PM. Sometimes I'm not tired when I goto bed. Last night, I went to bed at 1:00AM not really feeling sleeping but knowing to go to bed. I fell asleep though. It's hard sometimes to go to sleep when your mind is flowing with ideas and conversations that you plan out that eventually never happen.
     I find myself stepping into other peoples shoes without wanting to. I don't like that sometimes. I've had the feeling of being paralyzed, been injured in different ways (no eyes, no ears, etc.), and have my mental state altered (example: My mother died when I was 14. My parents divorced when I was 5, things like that, that aren't true but I erase my memory and make new ones). Feeling the pain of no one caring about you when someone does and you don't know it. Having my mind altered in that way makes me feel sorry for those who has lost someone they love or has gone through that experience. In a weird way, it feels like I have gone through what they have but in a few seconds, a quick burst of emotions. Usually sadness, grief, sorrow, and then acceptance. But in a way, it has made me see both sides of the story and see what they are coming from and seeing the positives of both sides. I thought about it and I think I do it because my life is not exciting enough. It's true. I just sit in my apartment and do nothing. Painting, computer, video gaming, video editing, picture editing, and all the other activities. I just need to get the courage to go out and talk to someone new or at least someone old as often as possible. I like meeting new people but then the anxiety kicks in and I retreat. I don't really like taking pills but I'm thinking about somehow getting some anti-depressant / anti-anxiety medicine. It might intensify my good personally (hopefully). I would rather hurt myself than someone else. In a perfect world, the medicine will help me and I wouldn't be dependent on it. Now I have gone into a feeling of being an addict. I've been in those shoes before. I've been an addict of somethings. Mostly smoking but I overcame that. Please don't think I'm crazy, this is how I experience things sometimes. I may not like it but it somehow makes me see things in a different light. I guess that's all for tonight. I've exposed myself too much, that's not like me. Coming from a man that doesn't show emotion to anyone. My life is exciting, later.

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