I've been drinking, here's the result.

     Heynow. It's a bit of a late post but I'm all alone and I've been drinking. Listen to a Jimi Hendrix record. About six drinks or so but who's counting besides me. It's only 10:44PM. I feel like laying down on this hardwood floor and falling asleep while listening to this record. I think I might now. Drunk typing doesn't work. I'm editing my every word. I guest it'll be short because of the spelling mishaps. Today was lazy and so am I. No painting, nothing but a bit of cleaning and bills to be paid. The scars on my fingers says it all for today. Nothing but loneliness and sorrow. I guess I'm in another body today. Yet it is similar to my own. As I was laying down on the soft hardwood, my breathing was matched by the light on the ceiling. Making waves on my breathing patterns. After I noticed that, I started to laugh. The scars are still on my hands. I guess I'm not making any sense. That's it for tonight I guess. Maybe I'll lay down on the ground some more or I'll goto bed. Sometimes it's nice to find yourself out of your comfort zone. Hopefully when I look on this again, I'll make a song. Who knows, maybe I'll just make some more gibberish. Thanks spell check. My quivering fingers don't know the words that I want to express. I'm a mad scientist to that doesn't know any formulas. Just numbers that equal into musical notes that make noise. It's up to you if it makes a melody. It's up to you if it has meaning in your life. It's up to you if you like it and you want it to enter your mind again and again. The milky way express is lost and it might be found again the next night. Rollerskating into the next atmosphere. No one reads this so it'll be just you and me. That's the way it goes. The crackling of the record reminds me of the fire from the night before with twigs and bark. Talking to myself while screaming out loud. No one hears me. No one must really care. If they did, they would be with me laying on the hardwood floor laughing with all their insanity that was left in them. As I write this down, the sounds of guitar flow through my ears and out the window. Highway Chile must be my favorite, but it's the strangest. With my glasses on, they fall from my face and onto the ground. I take them off to no hurt them but to heel them. They are far from my shoes and they are close to my head. A highway hitchhiker may catch a ride but never finds a way home. The way he's going, he may never know or care. Sometimes I have that same feeling. I write short sentences to make things simple. I may never see this again and I might never even care. My ass hurts from this chair, it is as old as my elders that have passed along. I wish I could see them again, but maybe I'll see them again, if I'm good enough for this world. My head hits the back of the chair, then my eyes are in the back of my head, listening to this music with no care. Hopping that the record never ends. I'll have to change it soon. What will come next is my next decision. A new revolution or an old revolution that didn't work out. Another beer is what I'll have, thank you kind sir. I could walk through this place with my eyes closed. I have and it has worked. I've lost my mind yet another time. I don't know where I've left it. If I had it, I'd know where it was. Someone please save me, I don't care who it is, just help me through these times of hardness. Maybe I don't need you, it'll make me stronger, more in tune with myself. Make me more human than animal. Humans are animals but we learned fire and that is all we need to build and destroy. Continuing with the old gag, but renewing the life's through others. They don't know the difference but we know it's all the same. When I'm sad, no one comes to me. I said it's all right, everything. I started a revolution in my place. It's only me and I know the plan for this nation. Only make peace and not war. Only make wars with yourself so no one wins and no one loses. Waves of emotions like smiling and nodding. Still my guitar sits in it's rightful place. I sent a letter to a friend with hopeful wishes with no return address. Maybe he'll get the message of my loneliness and sorrow for myself. My knees are higher than my mind so I must be going on down that crooked road. When I look back the road is straight and narrow. Only to find that the road has been uphill and not a hard walk to walk. Shouting from that hill and no one to return the message. No one to hear my message of love and understanding. We only get blood and war. All I want is love and understanding. No more fighting for the wrongs, only the rights. The sea of joy is near and the sea of sorrow has gone to pass. Sailing away to the great beyond of wonderfulness. My fingers has seen the working dirt and now the cleanliness of resting. Is it just a fight between wrong and right? Lets just pray for the right to win the fight. Because we all know what is right and what is an illusion. My life is exciting, later for now.

Role Playing (Not in that way)

     Heynow! It's Friday night, and I'm at home doing nothing. Sometimes it's nice to do nothing. Currently listening to Abbey Road by the Beatles (My favorite album of ALL time) on vinyl. I got the green posters and I posted them up on the long bare wall on the right when you enter my apartment. No one has really seen it yet but I'm guessing someone will soon. I'm not really expecting anything but a visit would be nice. It's a 3 x 4 posters (or 84" x 88"), with about 6" left on the bottom of the wall. I haven't filmed anything yet. I haven't had any good ideas. What's some good ideas? Leave a comment if you have an idea. I have made a joke if someone says something like "Why do you have a green screen?" I'll reply "I do the local weather". I thought that was a funny smart joke. Maybe I'll do a bit that has a weatherman kinda thing. I have done some painting tonight. I have done one color (yellow) of the Iron Man painting. I'll probably do the other color (red) tomorrow. Maybe I'll start on the John Lennon one tomorrow too. I'm thinking that one and adding in green instead of white because green is John's favorite color. I thought that would be cool to do that. Black and Green color. I'm still not finished with the candle wax sculpture. I might be close to finishing it though.
     Thanksgiving day, I went to my parent house for Thanksgiving lunch at around 1PM. I got there at noon and my brother Casey was late so I talked to Mom and Dad for a while. Then we had lunch and ,of course, it was delicious. I got a lot of leftovers which is good because I haven't been grocery shopping and I don't have that much food in the fridge. I'll probably go shopping tomorrow too. Turkey, ham, sweet potato casserole, corn, rolls, gravy, fruit salad, broccoli casserole (not for me thanks), dressing, pecan pie, pumpkin role, and butterfinger cake. My mom fixes too much but in this case it's good for me.
     I've had song ideas floating in my head all day today. I've written some down and some are not returning to my mind. I wish I had a piano in here. The landlady, Ruthie, has a piano in the office. I haven't seen anyone play it or anything. One day, I'll ask her if I can play around with it and maybe write a song. Probably the next time I pay rent. Ah...it's 11:28PM but it feels like 1:28AM. The day light situation is quite weird, getting dark at 5:15PM. Sometimes I'm not tired when I goto bed. Last night, I went to bed at 1:00AM not really feeling sleeping but knowing to go to bed. I fell asleep though. It's hard sometimes to go to sleep when your mind is flowing with ideas and conversations that you plan out that eventually never happen.
     I find myself stepping into other peoples shoes without wanting to. I don't like that sometimes. I've had the feeling of being paralyzed, been injured in different ways (no eyes, no ears, etc.), and have my mental state altered (example: My mother died when I was 14. My parents divorced when I was 5, things like that, that aren't true but I erase my memory and make new ones). Feeling the pain of no one caring about you when someone does and you don't know it. Having my mind altered in that way makes me feel sorry for those who has lost someone they love or has gone through that experience. In a weird way, it feels like I have gone through what they have but in a few seconds, a quick burst of emotions. Usually sadness, grief, sorrow, and then acceptance. But in a way, it has made me see both sides of the story and see what they are coming from and seeing the positives of both sides. I thought about it and I think I do it because my life is not exciting enough. It's true. I just sit in my apartment and do nothing. Painting, computer, video gaming, video editing, picture editing, and all the other activities. I just need to get the courage to go out and talk to someone new or at least someone old as often as possible. I like meeting new people but then the anxiety kicks in and I retreat. I don't really like taking pills but I'm thinking about somehow getting some anti-depressant / anti-anxiety medicine. It might intensify my good personally (hopefully). I would rather hurt myself than someone else. In a perfect world, the medicine will help me and I wouldn't be dependent on it. Now I have gone into a feeling of being an addict. I've been in those shoes before. I've been an addict of somethings. Mostly smoking but I overcame that. Please don't think I'm crazy, this is how I experience things sometimes. I may not like it but it somehow makes me see things in a different light. I guess that's all for tonight. I've exposed myself too much, that's not like me. Coming from a man that doesn't show emotion to anyone. My life is exciting, later.

"Downright Unimpaired"

     Heynow. I'm at work at the moment and I have kinda finished my work so if the boss comes around, I can just pull it up and work on it. Meaning this not an argent type of work today. I wrote a song using the ukulele and harmonica yesterday. It's a song about the "sipping tea and rainy day" song I was thinking about writing. So I did and it's about a boy meeting a girl for tea on a gloomy day but the boy likes the weather. They go on a walk, then it turns to dark while in the forest. They then have sex in the forest. A good day if I don't say so myself. It might be a perfect day in my book. Like I said before, it's a happy song and I thought of happy things. I'm still not sure what to name the song. As of right now, it's called "Perfect Day". I need to come up with a random yet summary name for the song. Hopefully a single word title. I'm still searching for that certain word. More than likely, I'll stop and search the title now and post it here............"Downright" sounds good to me. "Unimpaired" sounds good too. Ah! I've got it! "Downright Unimpaired" I know I was going for a single word but that sounds like an awesome song title. I need to read the Thesaurus more to find good words to replace simple words. I think I'll buy one the next time I goto Wal-Mart or something. I need to goto Big Lots today to buy three more 12"x12" canvases to paint and sell. I've got until Christmas to finish them. I've got the three pictures sketched out, I just need to transfer them onto the canvas and then paint.
     Anyway, when I record the song, I'll video myself recording it, like I did last time. This time I'll have ukulele, vocals, harmonica, and maybe guitar backup. Maybe bass guitar too. I might have vocals and harmonica on one track. I dunno, it might be a while since I do that. I have another video idea that I have videoed already. I have a green shirt with my name on it and I thought I could do a green screen thing with my shirt. When ever I snap my fingers, the shirt would change colors or pattern. I need to look up colors and patterns now to put in its place. I remember that I need to look up two different patterns of plaid and a tie dye pattern. Other than that it's just random plain colors. I've never done green screen effects so it'll be a learning experience. My life is exciting, later.
  

Sipping Tea & Listening to Otis Redding and The Beatles

     Heynow. I actually took off work today. I'm a little sick and I needed some extra sleep. I'm having trouble sleeping lately. I've been eating toast and drinking tea today to make myself feel better and it's working. I think I'll fix me some tea now.....as I make some tea listen to "My Lovers Prayer" by Otis Redding because I'm listening to that song on vinyl, which is my dads record I borrowed.
     Okay, I'm back. I haven't really listened to my records in a while. So I might just do that whenever I'm at my apartment blogging here. The actual record now is "The Best of Otis Redding" 1972, disc 2, side 4, track "(Sittin' On) The Dock of the Bay". It's been a very low key kinda day. Gloomy, damp, and uneventful. Now that I have changed records to Rubber Soul, I recently learned that the version I have (the U.S.) is different than the U.K. The U.K. version is the one everyone knows. The U.S. version has a few songs from the album Help! and some songs taken off the U.K. version. I think, at the time, the songs were controversial so the U.S. was nervous to put them on the record. "Drive My Car", "Nowhere Man", "What Goes On", and "If I Needed Someone" are missing and "I've Just Seen A Face" and "It's Only Love" in there place. Weird. I know some of this because last month Rolling Stone magazine came out with a Beatles Top 100 Songs list with how they wrote the songs in the magazine. It's very interesting and I'm going from 100 to 1. I'm at 10 right now. Plus from reading how they write songs, it's opening my mind on how to write songs better. After reading some of the stories made me feel like "That song is about nothing so I guess I can make up a song about something and it'll turn out good." Plus I can write about just about anything. You forget what all you can write about and turn it into poetry or a song. I don't have to talk about me, because I think I'm boring. I can talk about other people I know that might have problems in their life and in a way, I'm healing for them because I want them to feel okay. I had an idea to write a song with a ukulele and a harmonica in it. Like a mini Bob Dylan, lol. Maybe I'll write a song about sipping tea and having a day like this but being happy. I need to write happy songs. It's easy to write sad songs. I'm thinking about getting some bongos because I need some sort of percussion in my recordings. I can't exactly use drums at my apartment. I wonder if that fabric and foam store near my apartment sells acoustical foam? I might go someday. I have a lot of anxiety and I think I might need to be medicated (There's a song). I need to write down song ideas and then sit down and actual write them. So far, I've written down just two but I need to carry around this piece of paper to remind myself to write song ideas when they enter my brain. Now I'm listen to The Beatles White Album, a masterpiece.
     It's only 5:54PM and it's really dark outside. That sucks. I wish, on sunny days, I would just sit outside and play guitar. Now that I know how to play "Mother Natures Son", it would seem perfect. I just picture myself in the middle of a field of high grass, sitting Indian style playing this song all alone. I guess I can still play outside right now even though it's still raining and dark. Just turn on my outside light and sit on my floor mat under the 2 foot overhang outside my door.
     Oh yeah, I have been doing some art type stuff. I have these braces from the canvases I've bought and I made a structure using super glue and I pour melted candle wax over it. I dunno. I just wanted to pour melted wax over something. I think I might get a clear glass vase and pour all the candle wax and make different colored layers, then melt the glass vase and all the colors together. It'll happen someday. Sometimes I feel like I'm doing all these activities out of sexual frustration. I have no lover and I have no friend to talk to. I think I'll end my blogs with this phrase in sarcasm and at times of realism, "my life is exciting". Later